NFL Captions: Week 4

“Just between you and me, I kinda liked the Foot Locker guys.”

“I promise, it’s all going to be okay from now on.”

“So do you guys just not tackle people without bounties?”

“Our children would have the worst hair.” “…And no souls.”

“We won? I swear this never happens to me.”

“Okay, linemen keep your hands ready. I’m gonna try to throw this one.”

“Don’t look so impressed Peyton, everyone beats the Raiders. Even Tebow.”

“And how did you like being a replacement ref?”

“You know what, let’s give Tim a try after all.”

“So will he be ready for the Super Bowl too?”

“Get out there and make them make bad calls!”

“Keep yelling at me and I’ll leave again!”

“So how did you keep your job without winning a game?”

“It’s been a while, you guys get this many downs, right?”

“Yeah, and then Belichik grabbed him, like this.”

“And you’re saying we’ve had these ‘running backs’ all along?”

“One of our running backs is about to go that way!”

“Hey you! Get the F#*K off our field!”

“Winning the Super Bowl was supposed to be more fun than this.”

“Replacement refs would’ve called that good.”

“The replacement refs never held my hand. I missed you guys.”

“Now I owe Michael a puppy.”

“My wife wears the pants.”

“You look open-ish.”

“Your turn to get tackled in the backfield with this.”

“Dear heavenly Father, and your son Tim Tebow, please show me the light to taking Kyle Orton’s job away.”

NFL Captions: Week 2

“Yeah, Raji totally stole my move.”

“My fault? Usually I’m on my ass by then, how is this my fault?”

“Let’s see… Interception, interception, sack…”

“I’m sure Kristin would be happy to show you some new dance moves.”

“We’re gonna win this many games this season.”

“Matt Cassel? I thought I was calling White Castle.”

“Here’s my card. I do pop warner and birthday parties too.”

“Nope, even from this angle we still suck.”

“It’s like looking into a soul-less mirror.”

“I love watching Bush on a big screen.”

“The rules clearly state no one can come within 5 feet of Tom.”

“Eenie, meenie, miney – guy in the white jersey!”

“2 wins in a row! We’re a dynasty!”

“Oh shit! It’s Darren Sharper!”

“Whoever concusses Newton gets to ride shotgun on the plane home.”

“Are you there Sean? It’s me, Drew.”

“Salsa time!”

“No, Eli looks more like this.”

“No offense, I just thought you guys might need a quarterback.”

“Not again! First the soap, now this.

“Don’t worry, I still have a job somehow.”

“Ha, you’re going to be a dad? Like, on purpose?”

“So you ever think about playing baseball. I hear the Mets have lots of open roster spots.”

“Ben! Not in public! There are children watching!”

“Good meeting fan club.”

“Hey Gurll!”

“Don’t tell Stafford, but his fly is down.”

“Hey Schwartz! This hand is coming for you after the game!”

NFL Captions: Week 1

“Can’t we just wait until December like last year?”

“That’s it, you’re outta here!”

“No, it’s not okay if you answer your phone during the game.”

“Thank you, I’ll be here behind Gronkowski all year.”

“Hey Gabbert, you should braid your hair like this!”

“If we merge into one person, we could have 2 good knees!”

“Screw it, $10,000 for whoever knocks RG3 out of the game.”

“Don’t look at me. Sean hasn’t given me a play in months.”

“Bro, you took my spot down there.”

“Hey refs, reigning MVP back here. Little help?”

“Now watch me you, Crank dat Soulja Boy!”

“Don’t forget, I’m right behind you.”

“I get to keep my job one more week!”

“And please, God, let me have a starting QB job too.”

“I guess this worked here last year…”

“No, doing that does not mean you can start at QB in week 4.”