NFL Captions: Week 13

“It’s me, Luigi!”

“Why do we always have to work on Thanksgiving?”

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

“I really gotta work on my touchdown dances.”

“I think they’re highlighting us in Madden.”

“Don’t worry, I definitely won’t trip any of your players tonight.”

“Mmm halftime snack.”

“Look who’s wearing the elite hat now Joe!”

“Only a few months until Clowney is playing for one of us.”

“You didn’t actually expect us to try, did you?”

“Congrats on the first pick in the draft.”

“MJ!”

“Neither team deserved to win.”

“Me, play quarterback? Na, I have that Entourage movie to start filming.”

“Just to clarify, we are beating them, not bullying them.”

“Anybody know what Tebow is up to?”

“Bye everyone! Nice knowing you!”

“So you think we should throw Michael a Going Away Party?”

“Keep your hands to yourself. I don’t want to catch MRSA.”

“First off, I want to say it’s nice to finally see some familiar faces.”

“This seems like a good hiding place for all the videotapes of the Texans.”

“Why can’t we win?!?!”

“And please God, let me play on a different team next year.”

“I believe I can fly!”

“Alright, on three we’re gonna shove it up their…”

“And back into irrelevance we go!”

“Congrats on your professional remake of ‘The Longest Yard’.”

“I’m gonna throw a touchdown to that end zone!”

“Tell Fox I’m keeping the job.”

“Remember Eli, Santa is watching. Now go be a good quarterback.”

“Hey be nice! Santa is watching!”

NFL Captions: Week 1

“To the cloud!”

“You get a touchdown, and you get a touchdown. Everybody gets a touchdown!”

“With Joe as the leader of this team now, my confidence would be injured too.”

“Are we done yet?”

“Say my name! Say it!”
“Heizenberg?”

“Hi-five bro.”

“We may need to borrow a few of your “Get Out of Jail Free’ cards…”

“No touching of the hair or face!”

“Is it just me, or do I do a great impression of the new logo?”

“And Miley was all like…”

“I’ll take this to the end zone, you take yourself to the bench.”

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!”

“Are we really still on the Raiders?”

“Pinkies up. You stay classy Indianapolis.”

“I’m back bitches.”

“Ice Ice Baby on 3!”

“$10,000,000 for whoever concusses Goodell.”

“This lamaze shit is tough.”

“I know! I told them you’d be our best QB too!”

“Anyone have any ideas? Other than bringing Tim back?”

“Dear Lord, I know I haven’t been the nicest guy, but she was really fucking hot…”

“I hope no one saw me trip.”

“Stop Joe! Don’t you know it’s rude to hit a lady?”

“This fatty just won’t go down.”

“You’re not getting out of here without giving me your autograph!”

“Mr. Referee! He’s calling me names!”

“Eli! I’m ready for you!”

“This is an angry group hug.”

NFL Captions: Week 8

“Look at my number haha.”

“In the sky! It’s one of Jay’s interceptions coming back through the atmosphere!”

“MJ!”

“I totally earned this hat.”

“Like this! Catch the ball using two hands like this!”

“What happened to winning forever?”

“So, let’s try and keep this thing to single digits.”

“Discount Doublecheck is nowhere on here…”

“This is a bunch of Mularkey!”

“You’re my little good luck charm now.”

“Attention people of Tennessee. You are getting very sleepy. When I snap my fingers you will wake up and forget who Peyton Manning was.”

“Totally winning best dressed coach of this game.”

“Look, the queen!”

 

“Has coach changed clothes since we got off the plane?”

“I’m forgetting something… What was it?”

“Yeah, it’s a sulk cap.”

“Really? You again?”

“I had fun watching Mark screw up too!”

“What would a Romney administration do with this team?”

“I am not a crook! Or a dog killer!”

“Do these stripes make me look fat?”

“Ah! I’m allergic to bees!”

“One second, I’m preparing for the interception.”

“I am the best wide receiver on the Cowboys!”

“Can’t intercept what I don’t throw!”

“Roar!”

“This makes absolutely no sense. Do I throw to the Xs or the Os?”

“This is boring, when do the playoffs start?”

“Somebody get me some damn waffle fries!”

“Wait, that wasn’t the finger I meant to throw. Stupid finger-ception.”

“Remember? Al Davis? Kind of looked like this?”

“It’s going in that general area. I can’t give any further details.”

“Hey, I’m doing just as well as the other interim guy!”

“Thanks, you have a beautiful forehead too Drew.”

NFL Captions: Week 6

“Hey Roethlisberger, you’re a loser. With a lower case L.”

“Just throw up in your mouth a little bit?” “Yep.”

“Everybody’s hands go up…”

“And they stay there!”

“Who let that small child onto the field?”

“I’m not crying because we lost. I’m crying because we’re in Cleveland.”

“And good luck raising the bail money for half of your team next week.”

“Stop watching Star Wars before all our games. Force grip doesn’t exist.”

“Come help me plant this Bush.”

“First down, it’s a miracle!”

“Well, this is awkward…”

“Sorry Tim, I just saw my shadow so that’s three more weeks of Sanchez.”

“Ball still in my hand, this is progress.”

“Just don’t let him take a bite out of you.”

“Practice makes perfect coach.”

“Hashtag Quinn-ing”

“Maybe that whole ‘Wait until the last second to start playing’ theory was off.”

“He’s just as soft as the real thing, and has a higher QBR!”

“How’s that bench taste Orton?”

“Shhh! Don’t say they aren’t elite, they’re right behind you.”

“Next time you should sack him like this.”

“This man needs a doctor. His hype level is inappropriately high.”

“Hell, if Wes Welker can be an NFL player, I’m sure you can too.”

“Good job, guy who’s not Gronkowski.”

“Ref, you saw that! He touched me!”

“So when you catch a touchdown you’re supposed to have possession of the ball? Weird.”

“Look, as long as you don’t swallow your own tongue we’re going to keep you out there.”

“No man, I think ‘pondering’ is already a word.”

“Eli stay. Good boy.”

“Okay, on 3 I’ll throw this so-called ‘football’.”

“So when the defense is on the field, I stand over here?”

“We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!”

“No means no!”

“What would David Tyree do?”

“I have no idea what just happened, but that is a really cool hat.”

“Undecided 2012!”

“Gangnam Stlye!”

“How does this work for a touchdown dance?”

“Huh, I guess Favre did teach me something.”

NFL Captions: Week 3

“Here Eli, come here boy!”

“Slapping the bass man!”

“What do you mean ‘next time I hit a teammate it’s a penalty’?”

“Don’t worry kid, after a while you get used to being on the ground.”

“Anybody seen our running game?”

“Wait until they’re about to take a knee, and then hit them!”

“You’ve seen what Chris does? Do that, only better.”

“Just so you know, I’m not very good at these.”

“Hey, if you ever need a long, blonde-haired backup like Peyton hade, let me know.”

“Gotta pick this up before Tim does.”

“I haven’t seen a scoreboard like that in 2 years.”

“How much am I going to have to pay you guys to get a win?”

“I’ll trade you this flag for your Funions.”

“Maybe I should try playing quarterback too.”

“Thanks for making me look good. Looks like I’ve got another huge contract coming my way.”

“Hey, thanks for being my one sober skill player.”

“Ah! My pride!”

“Is Tom the only one who still gets protected in this league?”

“I am the number 1 player on this team. And in no way is that depressing.”

“Bring it on in Ben. You know no means yes.”

“We are on fire!”

“I’ve got his helmet, what do you have?”
“Shoulder pad, maybe a little bit of side boob.”

“It’s fun to stay at the Y-M…”

NFL Captions: Week 2

“Yeah, Raji totally stole my move.”

“My fault? Usually I’m on my ass by then, how is this my fault?”

“Let’s see… Interception, interception, sack…”

“I’m sure Kristin would be happy to show you some new dance moves.”

“We’re gonna win this many games this season.”

“Matt Cassel? I thought I was calling White Castle.”

“Here’s my card. I do pop warner and birthday parties too.”

“Nope, even from this angle we still suck.”

“It’s like looking into a soul-less mirror.”

“I love watching Bush on a big screen.”

“The rules clearly state no one can come within 5 feet of Tom.”

“Eenie, meenie, miney – guy in the white jersey!”

“2 wins in a row! We’re a dynasty!”

“Oh shit! It’s Darren Sharper!”

“Whoever concusses Newton gets to ride shotgun on the plane home.”

“Are you there Sean? It’s me, Drew.”

“Salsa time!”

“No, Eli looks more like this.”

“No offense, I just thought you guys might need a quarterback.”

“Not again! First the soap, now this.

“Don’t worry, I still have a job somehow.”

“Ha, you’re going to be a dad? Like, on purpose?”

“So you ever think about playing baseball. I hear the Mets have lots of open roster spots.”

“Ben! Not in public! There are children watching!”

“Good meeting fan club.”

“Hey Gurll!”

“Don’t tell Stafford, but his fly is down.”

“Hey Schwartz! This hand is coming for you after the game!”

Scramblers: Replacement Refs & Terrelle Pryor

“So what happens is: I go throw the football, and then you call a penalty on anyone on their team who comes near me.”

“I gotta sell this football before someone sacks me”